It’s a surreal feeling, actually doing something that you’ve dreamt about for so long. Today, I’m leaving Buenos Aires, the place that I’ve grown to love and hate. For the past 4 months, not a day has passed that I didn’t think about leaving this place. But now that it’s here, I don’t know how to feel.
What am I going to do when I look back and realize my study abroad experience wasn’t everything I had hoped for? When I’m sitting at home, with all of the romance of it gone, faced with paying off student loans and finding a job, and I realize… that was it. It’s over.
I look back on my 4 months here with a mixture of amazement and wonder, confusion and disillusion, solitude and independence—but not regret. I don’t think I would have chosen this program, or this city, or my living situation, if I had known what it would be like. But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened, and I’m better because of it. There’s a line in a poem that always gets to me: “Forgiveness is the release of all hope of a better past.” While I don’t need to forgive Argentina for treating me poorly, I do need to forgive myself. There were times I could have made my experience here better, or at least different. I could have gone out more, seen more of the city, made more Argentine friends, talked to my host family more. But there are always those, coulda shoulda woulda’s. Right now I may be wishing for a different experience to look back upon and tell stories about how amazing Argentina was; but I’m also learning that my time here has been unique to me and I need to stop thinking, it should have been better. Just by being here, by spending 4 months with an Argentine family, learning the language and customs, often at the expense of my own discomfort and embarrassment, just by being here was enough.
Today I leave what I’ve called home for 4 months. A private taxi will come and pick me up, take me to the bus station, and I will get on the bus for Mendoza. I will watch the city lights disappear into the night as another day ends in another city of the world. And what do I have to show for it? A lot.
I have Spanish competency. Not fluency, but I can get around. That’s pretty crazy considering 4 months ago I couldn’t even ask how much something costs.
I have an elephant. My mom host collected elephant figurines, for good luck, health and strength. To send me on my way, she gave me one of her collection. This token was the sweetest gesture she has shown me, and I felt very blessed to be carrying a piece of her with me.
I have pictures. Oh do I have pictures. But the ones that are more important than what I posted on Facebook are in my head. Mental pictures. The little moments that went able to be captured on film. The way my host mom would put her thumb to her nose and wiggle her fingers every time the president came on the news. The little kid holding hands with mom and dad as they cross a busy street. The sun setting over the tall buildings in the city. These are the pictures I will savor.
I have friends from all over the world. The ones in my program I grew close to, and ones I met briefly at hostels, only briefly crossing paths. The ones who have offered me places to stay whenever I come their way. The ones I may never see again, but that doesn’t matter. Knowing them is enough.
I have had an amazing experience. And the best part? There’s still more to come. I’m on my way to Mendoza, land of wine and mountains, where I meet Dorothy. From there we go to Santiago, Chile and maybe a beach town. And then we will make our way north to Peru, going to the Nazca lines, Lake Titicac, Machu Pichu, and Lima. I am excited for the journey ahead, especially because I will be with a good friend. And traveling in good company is always the best.
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